They are convinced that they will never find a dance partner who will love them for who they are, as opposed to what they can do for them. They push blame off on others and are unable to see their own part in wrong doing. Their low self-esteem and pessimism manifests itself into a form of learned helplessness that ultimately keeps them on the dance floor with their narcissistic partner. Not so for the narcissist. Although codependents dream of dancing with an unconditionally loving and affirming partner, they submit to their dysfunctional destiny. When a codependent and narcissist come together in their relationship, their dance unfolds flawlessly: Until they decide to heal the psychological wounds that ultimately compel them to dance with their narcissistic dance partners, they will be destined to maintain the steady beat and rhythm of their dysfunctional dance. Narcissists also have an unhealthy relationship with self. Someone who lets them lead the dance while making them feel powerful, competent and appreciated.
Although all codependent dancers desire harmony and balance, they consistently sabotage themselves by choosing a partner to whom they are initially attracted, but will ultimately resent. I highly recommend Codependents Anonymous for those who are attempting to free themselves for relationships that are toxic and abusive. Typically, codependents give of themselves much more than their partners give back to them. If you have one parent who is narcissistic you are likely to become either codependent or narcissistic yourself. It is a program full of specific guidelines for recovery from this type of harmful relationship. They dare not leave their narcissistic dance partner because their lack of self-esteem and self-respect makes them feel like they can do no better. One is the easy mark for the other. The good news for the codependent is that there is hope for recovery once they fully understand that the narcissist lacks that ability of compassion, which defines us as humans. Even with chaos and conflict, neither of the two spellbound dancers dares to end their partnership. Codependents lack a healthy relationship with self. They are convinced that they will never find a dance partner who will love them for who they are, as opposed to what they can do for them. Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. Without self-esteem or feelings of personal power, the codependent is incapable of choosing mutually giving and unconditionally loving partners. They are prone to put others first before their own needs. The narcissist dancer, like the codependent, is attracted to a partner who feels perfect to them: Not so for the narcissist. Codependents find narcissistic dance partners deeply appealing. Although they are proud of their unwavering dedication to the person they love, they end up feeling unappreciated and used. Their fear of being alone, their compulsion to control and fix at any cost, and their comfort in their role as the martyr who is endlessly loving, devoted, and patient, is an extension of their yearning to be loved, respected, and cared for as a child. Once a person begins to recover from codependency, they are able to begin setting boundaries and standing up to the narcissist. They push blame off on others and are unable to see their own part in wrong doing. The only hope for the narcissist is that they develop addiction and can seek help for that where they might learn a different way to relate to the world. They put themselves above all else. Until they decide to heal the psychological wounds that ultimately compel them to dance with their narcissistic dance partners, they will be destined to maintain the steady beat and rhythm of their dysfunctional dance. It is very difficult for all humans to conceive of someone who is totally bereft of the ability to empathize and learn from previous mistakes. Read More I have been seeing lots of posts on Facebook about people giving in to others who take advantage of them. As generous — but bitter — dance partners, they seem to be stuck on the dance floor, always waiting for the next song, at which time they naively hope that their narcissistic partner will finally understand their needs.
Video about codependent relationship with a narcissist:
Codependency Caused by a Relationship with a Narcissist
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